I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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