Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
