I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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