every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
