remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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