i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
