Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
