Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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