he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
