Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
