Kareoke will never be a sober sport
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
