you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize