Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
