We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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