I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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