we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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