on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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