Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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