If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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