I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
