He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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