I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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