yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
