He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
