do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize