yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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