Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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