So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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