That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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