Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I need moral support for this bender
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
