your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
