just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
