I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
