He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
