Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
