miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
