my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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