In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The Olympian is in my bed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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