I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
