So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
