So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
