I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
