Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
