I think i peed on brittanys purse
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
