if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
