Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
