If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just want nice things and good sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
