I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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