I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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