i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
