Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize