If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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