i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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