I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
