So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
