Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
