Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
