Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
