Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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