I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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