There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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