Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
