i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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