Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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