Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
