the day after is always just damage control
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
