If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
