What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
