i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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