She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
